Part of the Christian Kyriarchy Project
Last updated 4/10/2025
1. Conservative Christians often present marital sex as mandatory, and consider sexless marriages a sign of failure, even if the people involved don't want sex. Some may also bring up trauma from sexual abuse as a reason a person might not want sex, but basically say “Well, you gotta.”
Uncritical examples
“I want a husband, but no sex. Is that possible?” by Candice Watters | Boundless (April 2013)
Archived on Wayback Machine and Archive.today
A Christian View Of Romance | Global Christians (scroll down to the “Sexuality” section, which is of course full of homoantagonistic crap)
Archived onWayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Is It Reasonable to Say “No” to Oral Sex? | Intimacy In Marriage (December 2011)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Livid at the Evangelical Sub-Culture & Its Epidemic of Sexless Marriages | Musings Of A Hardlining Moderate (February 2014)
Archived on Wayback Machine
Coping with Sexual Anorexia and Aversion by Rob Jackson, MS, LPC, LMHC, NCC | Pure Intimacy (dated 2004, suggests that CSA victims who are sex averse are obligated to get over it for the sake of their marriage and speaks negatively of spouses who choose masturbation and porn over potentially pressuring their traumatized partner)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive (the latter archives contain porn ads)
Sexual Responsibility: A Look at 1 Corinthians 7 | The Marriage Bed (earliest archive is from November 2005)
Archived on Wayback Machine and Archive.today
Sex Is Important in Marriage by Sheila Wray Gregoire | Bare Marriage (October 2023)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Religious right letter opposed to The Freedom To Marriage Act (July 2022, argues that “platonic marriages” would be protected under this act)
Archived on Politico
Why We Should Push Back against Platonic Marriage by Alan J. Hawkins | Public Discouse (June 2021, also conflates non-sexual marriages with marriages between platonic friends)
Archived on Wayback Machine and Archive.today
Commentary
The Purity Culture and Sex as a “Duty” | Love, Joy, Feminism (September 2012)
A little more on the “selfish wives” that say no. | Sarah Moon (September 2013)
Asexuality and One View of a Religion? (TW homophobia) | foolishfiish and greenchestnuts
The Great Sex Rescue: The Chapter Where It's Not Okay To Be Asexual | Tell me why the world is weird (December 2023)
CEP: Suddenly, Transmisogyny | The Ace Theist (May 2014)
The Answer To Sexual Shame is Not MORE Sexual Shame, Carson T. Clark | Sarah Over The Moon (March 2014)
CEP: The Next Triad of Replies | The Ace Theist (May 2014)
The Great Sex Rescue: Be Normal! | Tell me why the world is weird
2. Conservative Christians often believe men want sex more than women and often refer to men's sexual desires as a “need”*. Women may be told they're selfish or unreasonable if they don't have sex with their husband whenever he wants.
* This is despite some promoting abstience before marriage by saying sex isn't a need. In purity culture, that applies to only unmarried men somehow.
Uncritical examples
Sex Is a Relational Need by Juli Slattery | Focus On The Family (January 2009)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Key Truths about a Husband and Wife Needing and Desiring Sex - Part 2 - Is It Just About Sex for the Man? | Love & Respect
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Premarital Sex is SO Detrimental to Marriage | The Transformed Wife (March 2019)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Pornography–Road to Hell by Michael Pearl | No Greater Joy Ministries (June 2000, in the section “To the Wives of Porno-Freaks”, he tells women they can't turn down sexual advances of the very men he just said are “evil”, “perverts”, and risking the souls of their children)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
1 Corinthians 7:5 by The Transformed Wife | Twitter (December 2018)
Archived on Wayback Machine and Ghost Archive
The Benefits of Being a Sexually Obedient Wife | Biblical Sexology (June 2020)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
10 Rules of Sex For Wives | Biblical Sexology (May 2021)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Commentary
Conservative Christians Teach That Wives Are REQUIRED To Have Sex Even When They Don't Want To. Here Are The Receipts. | Tell Me Why The World Is Weird (August 2019)
“You Are Not Your Own:” Only Selfish Wives Say No | Sarah Over The Moon (September 2013)
Is This Marital Rape? Lori Alexander and Closing the Escape Hatch. | Love, Joy, Feminism (June 2019)
If A Wife Is Required To Have Sex, That's Not “Intimacy” | Tell me why the world is weird (July 2019)
3. These examples have additional cruelty like suggesting women having sex they don't want are in the wrong for doing so "grudgingly" or are expected to have kids but aren't allowed to be too tired for sex after caring for them.
Uncritical examples
How Your Husband Feels When You're Too Tired For Sex | Shaunti Feldhahn (June 2019)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
How a husband can enjoy sex that is grudgingly given by his wife | Biblical Gender Roles (October 2015)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Your Husband's Sexuality is a Gift From God to You | The Transformed Wife (June 2019)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Commentary
How Pregnancy and Childbirth Changed My Asexuality (or, actually, A Post About Vaginismus) | Tell me why the world is weird (March 2021)
Further information
Sex is Not a Vitamin | The Ace Theist (January 2015)
Vaginismus Is Not A Problem, In And Of Itself | Tell me why the world is weird (March 2023)
Queer, non-nuclear, non-conformist: Family is what we make it by Sherronda J. Brown | Prism (September 2022, includes a section called "The demonization and othering of non-sexual relationships")
Back to the front page | About this site | support me