Last updated 3/7/2025
1. Christian leaders who commit abusive acts are often excused while their victims are told to forgive them and not be bitter.
See here for examples.
2. The way conservative Christians talk about God frequently try to portray him as loving but end up making Him sound abusive. This includes things like an omnipotent, omniscient God allowing people to suffer atrocities or sending people to hell because they didn't believe in the right religion.
Uncritical examples
I Am the Good Shepherd | Hope Through Hard Times (February 2023)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
God Wounds Us Because He Loves Us by Marshall Segal | Desiring God (October 2017)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
The Good Shepherd of the sheep | Church Ages (March 1957, repeats a dubious claim about shepherds deliberately breaking disobedient sheep's legs and using that as a metaphor for how God will treat us)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
In Defense of Biblical Chastisement, Part 1 by Michael Pearl | No Greater Joy Ministries (April 2001, justifies hitting kids partly by claiming God uses similar discipline)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
Commentary
God of Bad Snaps | Tell me why the world is weird (October 2017)
Free will | Are Women Human? (November 2010)
You can't say no to God: conservative Christianity and consent | Speaking When the World Sleeps (February 2013)
Maybe God is a better person than you think | slacktivist (July 2012)
I'm God's Ex-Girlfriend | Gloria Beth Amodeo (July 2019)
Used By God | Tell me why the world is weird (September 2016)
[video] You Deserve Love: Despite What the Church Told You | Belief It Or Not (October 2020)
3. Some Christian leaders don't consider spousal abuse a good reason to divorce.
Uncritical examples
[audio] The Home, the Bible, and Divorce, VOT #187 by L. R. Shelton, Sr | sermonaudio.com (June 1967 with a comment section that's much more recent, skip to about 20 minutes in for the abuse enabling)
Archived on Wayback Machine and Archive.today
Commentary
Ending an abusive marriage is hard. Ending one in the evangelical church is harder. by Hännah Ettinger | The Washington Post (May 2018)
'Submit to your husbands': Women told to endure domestic violence in the name of God by Julia Baird with Hayley Gleeson | ABC News (July 2017)
Franklin Graham and Naghmeh Panahi: An all-too-common betrayal by Captain Cassidy | Roll To Disbelieve (June 2022)
'We are shocked': Thousands of Southern Baptist women denounce leader's 'objectifying' comments, advice to abused women by Sarah Pulliam Bailey | The Washington Post (May 2018)
Southern Baptist leader pushes back after comments leak urging abused women to pray and avoid divorce by Michelle Boorstein | The Washington Post (April 2018)
4. In fact, complementarian leaders may expect women being abused by their husbands to continue submitting to their husbands.
Uncritical examples
[video] John Piper: Does a women [sic] submit to abuse? (uploaded in September 2009, but it appears to be from an unofficial channel)
Archived on Wayback Machine, Archive.today, and Ghost Archive
[audio] Paige Patterson (SBC) Advice to Victims of Domestic Violence | Internet Archive (allegedly from 2000)
Commentary
Some humans are more equal than others: John Piper on spousal abuse and submission | Sarah Over The Moon (January 2013)
John Piper: Wives should “endure” abuse “for a season” | Are Women Human? (August 2010)
CTBHHM: How To Be an Abused Woman | Love, Joy, Feminism (January 2013)
What “Love and Respect” and “Fireproof” Teach Abusers and their Victims | Sarah Over The Moon (November 2013)
Southern Baptist leader's advice to abused women sends leaders scrambling to respond by Sarah Pulliam Bailey | The Washington Post (May 2018)
'Submit to your husbands': Women told to endure domestic violence in the name of God by Julia Baird with Hayley Gleeson | ABC News (July 2017)
Additional articles specifically about abuse in Christian circles
A Church Group, a Lawsuit, and a Culture of Abuse by T.F. Charlton | Religion Dispatches (March 2013)
#ChurchToo: Christian victims of abuse join social media outpouring by Hayley Gleeson | ABC News (November 2017)
Raped, tracked, humiliated: Clergy wives speak out about domestic violence by Julia Baird and Hayley Gleeson | ABC News (November 2017)
NDAs are a tool for toxic church cultures by Katelyn Beaty | Religion News Service (September 2022)
Elisabeth Elliot, Flawed Queen of Purity Culture, and Her Disturbing Third Marriage by Liz Charlotte Grant | The Revealer (February 2024)
Further information
Types of abuse | love is respect
Domestic Violence and Abuse | HelpGuide.org
5 Lesser-Known Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship by Michelle Pugle | Everyday Health (October 2021)
a plain list of emotional abuse tactics | The Ace Theist (October 2015)
On Writing Abusers, Abuse Victims, & Abuse Situations | springhole.net (details what abusive behavior can look like and briefly touches upon spiritual abuse)
7 Warning Signs Someone Is the Victim of Domestic Violence by Christine Pelisek | People (July 2019)
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